But... I'm Still Cool

 Last night my roommate discovered some old pictures of me on Facebook, specifically, a photoshoot I did when I had a mohawk (WHAT?! Yes, if you didn't know: I had a mohawk, and then I was bald. Let's continue...). They were pretty awesome pictures thanks to a great photographer, and my Dad is lucky enough to have a large copy at his house. But she called me in her room and said, "You used to be so punk!" Of course she didn't mean it in a mean way, because after she said, "Now you're always so elegant," but of course it got me thinking...

 An older shot of my mohawk and my baldness

I never really thought I was that cool anyway. It may not have seemed like it to most people, but I always felt like a weirdo and I definitely embraced it and ran with it. Even when people did give me compliments or whatever I was more often suspicious of their motivations instead of grateful. Like, "Why is this cool person talking to me? Is this a trick?" Carrie had had a big impression on me early in life. 

Now, this is the last picture I found on my computer that's just me; no Julian. It's from July! I look so normal. Normal cut, un-dyed hair, plain makeup, normal clothes... that necklace was a gift from my step-grandma. How... boring! Yeah, I look nice and on most days I still look nice and dress pretty... but it's just so boring and uninspired.

There's no way I'll go back to a huge deathrock mohawk or frilly Decora dresses (I've tried a lot of different styles), but I miss having fun with my clothes and getting to dress up. I don't even blame it on being a mom - I'm just in a creative rut and I have a job that makes me dress pretty conservatively, plus I don't have a lot of opportunities to go all-out. Oh, yeah, and I'm broke.

Wish me luck with the $50 spending money I have left to find something that will kick my ass back into gear. Should it be clothes or green hair dye?

Until next time...
Lily